I very much have a love-hate relationship with flying. I love it when I have a window or aisle seat but hate in any other situation. For those of you who don’t know me, I am currently studying in Japan and recently went home over Christmas. On one of my flights home I had the ‘pleasure’ of sitting in the infamous middle seat. I had heard of horror stories around the camp-fire about this so-called middle seat, but this was the first time I had come face-to-face, or rather face-to-seat. The middle seat is often the topic of myths & legends, you might have heard of such classics as “Zeus and the middle seat” or “The Loch Ness middle seat”. These stories really don’t do the middle seat justice, sitting in this egregious (look it up, it’s an actual word) seat is truly an unforgettable experience.
One can liken the experience of sitting in the middle seat to that of a constant war on both the east and western fronts. The east being your right arm and the west being your left arm. You have to be ever vigilant or else the enemy will strike without warning and claim your unguarded territory, leaving you shamefully resting your hands in your lap, or as it is better known “no-hands land”. In my opinion the occupier of the middle seat should at-least be awarded control over the arm rests on both sides. However, it would appear that some delinquents never graduated from in-flight manners and conduct 101. Sitting in the middle seat means that you neither have a nice wall to lean on or easy access to the toilet, basically you have the worst of both worlds. Congratulations, your award is waiting for you in the toilet, which unfortunately you can not get to at the moment due to the hibernating bear currently occupying the aisle seat. If it makes it easier, you can spend the rest of your miserable flight pondering how a hibernating bear managed to secure an aisle seat while you only managed to get a middle seat. I often find this really helps to make the time go by. You can try to swap your seat with your nearby window or aisle seat holders, but please realise you are trying to trade stale bread for pizza. No one likes stale bread. However, you may be in luck if the other party doesn’t like pizza.
There is only one situation which is worse than sitting in the middle seat. That situation is sitting in the middle seat without a little screen in front of you, otherwise known as utter hell. If you are ever in this situation there is only one thing you can really do, put your head between your legs and hope the plan crashes. But in all seriousness, no-one likes plane crashes, spare everyone else the trouble and just jump off the plane alone. Thankfully, there are no middle seats in mid-air.